


Colorful Whispers

by zrbian



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, F/F, One Shot, Romance, irene's dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:09:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28804092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zrbian/pseuds/zrbian
Summary: Would seeing all the colors put her together again? Seulgi wants to remember, but she can't. Not when the colors are all blurring together.
Relationships: Bae Joohyun | Irene/Kang Seulgi
Kudos: 9





	Colorful Whispers

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, zezeluvie here! This work is also posted on AFF under my other username zrbian.

_TW: moderate language_

* * *

She stared bitterly at the pink sky as she sat down. The air felt foul despite carrying the sweet scents of lavender and vanilla. And if anyone else had come here, it would have felt like the sun and the sky had fallen in love and cast their euphoria everywhere. 

Surrounded by wisps of rosy clouds and the warm wind, it was a perfect setting for anything romantic. The wooden planks on which she sat upon probably marked the center of hundreds of confessions and charming getaways. 

But even amongst the picturesque setting, she was filled with nothing but regret. She couldn’t do anything but focus on the picture frame she held in her hands, for underneath the polished glass lay the image of a girl that no longer existed. She would never see her again, for the last memory she had with her had perished in a sea of pink fog and lovely skies. 

Her eyes glazed over, and with a sharp and painful breath, she slackened her grip on the picture frame and watched it fall. It hit the water with a gentle splash, then sunk underneath the surface, disappearing as the very last trace she had of her. 

She had regretted everything for long enough.

She took the train home and watched numbly out the window as the sky turned from pink to a muted purple. The train slowed at a station and the doors slid open, letting out a few other passengers. As she stepped out onto the platform, the corner of her lips curved into a thin smile at the sight of a familiar face.

“Seulgi!” the other girl cried as she ran at almost inhuman speed in her heels and barreled into her with flailing arms. “How could you just leave without even telling us—no one knew where you were!”

“Calm down, Joy,” she said reassuringly. “You know I’m not that stupid.”

Towering in her heels, Joy’s face morphed from a worried expression into a fit of twitching anger as she pulled back from the hug. 

“Calm down, are you crazy?” her voice escalating into a shout. “How can you expect us to not worry?! Your parents thought you left the country! Yeri thought you went to work for the mafia, for God’s sake!”

Seulgi glanced worriedly at nearby passersby, all of them casting concerned looks at the mention of the mafia. “Let me explain, please,” she pleaded. “Can we go somewhere more private?” 

Joy’s hand shot out towards her wrist and she started to drag them out of the station. “We’re going back to your place _now,”_ she said through gritted teeth. “Talk in the car.”

Her heels clacked loudly as they left the train station in a flurry. When they reached the parking lot, Seulgi surrendered herself to the shoves that pushed her into the back row of the car. 

“I’m not disappearing again, you know,” she said as Joy slipped into the driver’s seat, roughly jamming the car keys into the ignition.

“Yeah, well. I can’t trust you after your recent escapade. Who do you think you are, some rogue agent?”

When they reached the main road, Joy’s pursed lips let out a drawn-out sigh. She peered at Seulgi with beady eyes for a second through the rearview mirror. 

“It’s because of Irene, right?” she said quietly.

Seulgi’s eyes dropped towards her hands. A small part of her still wished the picture was still there, held by the tips of fingers. But all she could truly feel was a crushing, heavy sensation, like she had been holding the sky up. 

Her shoulders sagged as she replied gently, “Of course. It’s always her.”

Twilight had fallen: the ocean waters they were driving next to were black and the heavens were blinking with stars that resembled specks of glitter. Seulgi thought of how she used to go stargazing every week, holding a telescope and a hiking backpack like a kid on a field trip. There was now a rolled-up constellation map on the top of her shelf, collecting dust.

Joy’s voice brought her back to her surroundings. “Where did you go this time?”

Seulgi’s lips trembled as they curved into a smile and she closed her eyes briefly. “I went to the pier where I last saw her,” she replied, looking out the window again at the blur of dark trees they were passing by. “I thought I would cry again, but I didn’t.” 

She studied the stars closely and her hand trembled slightly as she reached out to trace a constellation with her finger on the glass. “She’s gone. There’s nothing I can do anymore. All I can do is continue on.”

Joy bit her lip when Seulgi added, “Besides, I can’t remember anything anymore. My memories have been disappearing faster every day.”

The rest of the ride became a suffocating silence as they cruised in the lane, chugging along with all the other monochrome vehicles. Joy exited the highway and went through an intersection, then veered into a neat suburban neighborhood. 

All of the houses were identical—flat rooftops, large glass windows, and smooth white walls. One looking down from a bird’s eye view would see a grid of white squares, interwoven with thin strips of well-groomed grass. 

“You know,” Joy started dryly as she drove through the maze of blocky houses. “I can never remember what your place looks like, even though I’ve been to your house more than I’ve been to my own.”

Seulgi chuckled. “Remember the time I tried to make you pay a part of the rent?”

“Yeah, you _tried._ It’s your fault you can’t turn me away from your glorious home theater.”

“Well then. I guess you’re paying for the Netflix subscription.”

Joy slowed down in front of a house that had a small cactus plant placed next to the window. “Alright, we’ve arrived at the bear cave. Now we gotta let the bear hibernate.”

Seulgi shook her head in disbelief as she stepped out of the car and stared forlornly at the house. “When did my life become chained to such an analogy? I don’t even look like a bear!”

“Yeah, but you sure sleep like one.” Joy stood next to her and gave her a quick hug. “I hate you.”

Seulgi shrunk a little. “I’m sorry. I won’t pull anything like that again.”

Joy flipped her long hair behind her and scoffed. “Don’t promise anything.” Her gaze hardened. “But don’t leave again. Who knows if you ever left for real. . .”

They both cast their eyes down in a brief silence before Joy squeezed her hand and returned to the car. Seulgi watched as the car left and turned the corner, then turned solemnly towards her house. What used to be a castle for her lover’s kingdom was now no more than a cold, lifeless structure. 

The cactus that was put on the windowsill two years, plump and green, was now gray. Dying, like everything else.

“Jubilee Station.”

The train doors hissed open as lines of people rushed in and out, hurrying to their destination with polished shoes and autopilot stares. Seulgi exited through the turnstiles and rushed up the stairs, clasping a large handbag in her right hand. When she reached the street level, there was a woman dressed in a black trench coat just outside the exit, scrolling through her phone.

“Morning, Wendy,” Seulgi called, giving her a little wave.

“Seulgi, hi!” She haphazardly stuffed her phone into her jacket pocket and rushed over, taking the handbag. “Thanks so much for bringing the files, I’m such an idiot for leaving them at home.”

Seulgi smiled when she saw the worry creases fading on Wendy’s forehead. “Please, I’m not that terrible of a friend. And you know I work nearby, it’s no big deal.”

“Still though, thank you.” Wendy suddenly noticed a pink mark on Seulgi’s face that was suspiciously in the shape of a handprint. 

“What happened?” she asked, pointing at the mark.

Seulgi let out a sheepish laugh. “Oh, nothing much, just Yeri barging into the house when I was getting up from bed and giving me a little lesson.”

“You can’t blame her,” Wendy said. “You should’ve seen my messages from yesterday. I was just typing up a report to my boss when I got bombarded with fifty thousand texts from Yeri and Joy telling me you’ve disappeared again.”

“I’m sorry,” Seulgi apologized, looking admonished.

“I know you are,” Wendy said tiredly. “Just—maybe don’t forget there are people still left for you. We lost Irene, but we also lost you.”

Before Seulgi could say anything back, Wendy glanced at her watch and the creases instantly returned. 

“Oh God, I’m going to be late,” she said hurriedly and started to rush away. “I’ll call you later, Seulgi! Thank you! And don’t disappear again!”

“Don’t worry about it!” Seulgi watched as Wendy ran onto the street, the back of her trench coat flapping behind her. 

The place was quiet again—there was no one else around. Seulgi turned on her heels and started heading towards _Banque Maréchal,_ one of the largest banks within the city. Jubilee Station was centered in a district of private enterprises where every business boasted marble construction and an ice-cold work ethic. She was dreading the number of tasks that surely awaited her, and she knew her boss was not going to be so lenient on her after another unexcused absence. 

Her suspicions were confirmed the moment she stepped through the rotating door of the grand building and was met with a screech from the balcony of the second floor.

“Kang! In my office, now!” a man in a posh suit yelled at her before slamming the door of his office shut.

Seulgi sucked in a sharp breath as she felt her face heat up. Her fellow coworkers all gave her disapproving side-glances as she walked up the cold marble stairs, keeping her eyes low to the ground. 

She stopped in front of an oak door that donned a large gold plaque, spelling out the words, _Mr. Kim._ Her stomach was churning at the very sight of this door and the thought of having to meet the person behind it.

Before she could even knock, there was a bark from within. “Just get in here already!”

She pushed open the door and quickly closed it behind her to muffle the loud lecture that was bound to happen. She looked at the man standing in front of the desk, with fiery eyes and a foot tapping impatiently on the ground. 

“Fucking Jesus, Kang,” Mr. Kim cursed angrily. Seulgi looked at him, trying to keep her face steady, but she couldn’t help but grimace slightly when he put a smoldering cigar between his lips. “I could fucking fire you, you know that?”

“Yes sir, I’m well aware of that,” she replied calmly.

“You. Manager of the entire investment sector.” He perched himself onto the desk and pulled the cigar out of his smoking mouth. 

“Goddamn you, what the hell were you thinking?!” he barked. “Leaving without any notice on the day we need to make a deal with that tongue-tied asshole from one of our biggest clients—then shirking off all the workload to a squandering assistant manager who can’t even save his own work!” 

With every word, his speech became faster and his face gradually took on the color of a lobster, all while Seulgi stood stiller than a soldier and kept her fear safely tucked away. He barrelled on.

“You couldn’t have picked a better day to leave the board in a heap of bullshit, could you?” He started to laugh as he continued, “And this isn’t even the first time, my God! Do you even realize how much responsibility this job takes?!”

“Yes sir,” she said.

“Don’t ‘yes sir’ me, Kang,” his laughter morphing into a scathing tone again. “This isn’t some job you can half-ass but here you are.”

“Are you going to fire me, sir?” Seulgi asked quietly. 

He cursed under his breath. “Nah, I can’t do that,” he said bitterly. “You may be an asshole, but I’d rather have an asshole working for me than some idiot.” 

He stuck the cigar back in his mouth and took a long drag. Seulgi did her best to hide her disgust when the smell of the smoke reached her. 

“But I hope you know, the second you step outside of this door, your life here is going to be hell,” he said thickly with the cigar hanging loosely from his lips.

Seulgi said nothing but continued to gaze steadily at Mr. Kim’s blustery face, who scowled at the lack of any reaction and waved a hand at her. “Get out of here. And go do your job.”

“Thank you, Mr. Kim,” she said as she gave him a little bow, then left the room and shut the door. 

She breathed a small sigh of relief, before biting her lip tightly to stop herself from crying. She couldn’t cry — not here, not when she was supposed to be Kang Seulgi, the only woman on the board committee with a spotless record. 

Well, nearly spotless, if you didn’t count the occasional scuffles with management that had started a few years ago.

“Dammit,” she whispered, closing her eyes. 

She shouldn’t have come here—not when she felt so cold because she didn’t belong in this building of marble and glittering gold—not when the whole investment firm was awaiting her entrance, ready to bombard her with ten hours worth of reports—not when she was on the verge of losing her job—not when she was about to cry because she could no longer even remember what Irene looked like. 

She shouldn’t have drowned the last memory she had of her, but it was too late. She opened her eyes and took in a deep, shuddering breath, before brushing off the front of her long blue coat and started off towards her department. The panicking fear that had been growing inside her disappeared like a candle flame in a gust of wind.

“Asshole,” she muttered to herself, remembering the recent words of Mr. Kim. “He wants to make my life a living hell, I’ll do the same to him.”

She stopped in front of a large set of spruce double doors, one of which bore the name “Kang Seulgi” engraved onto a silver plate. She placed the handle of the bag into the inner crook of her arm for dramatic effect, tied up her hair into a messy bun, then burst impressively through the doors and stared boldly at the fifty employees whose attention she now completely had. 

Soaking up the sight of coffee-stained shirts and haphazardly arranged chairs, she demanded, “Who needs me to save them?”

By the time she stepped out of the building, the sky had turned pitch black and there were only a few orange street lights illuminating the sidewalk. Her bones felt like ragged sheets of cloth and she wanted nothing more than to just sink into an ocean of feathers.

“Seulgi?”

Wendy was waiting next to one of the street lights, holding a phone in her hand. Seulgi gave her a tired smile that the other did not reciprocate. She walked towards her, her handbag drooping towards the ground.

“What are you doing here?” she asked. “It’s so late, your shift must have ended hours ago.”

Wendy grabbed her hand and started leading them back towards the train station. “Yeah, well. Yeri went to visit her dad for something and apparently he ranted to her for around half an hour about making friends with the wrong people,” she said, anger seeping into her voice.

Seulgi thought guiltily of how chaotic her day had been; she’d had to deal with over twenty complaints from clients because of her abrupt absence. 

“Oh, that. It’s oka—”

“No, it’s not okay!” Wendy said furiously, starting to walk faster. “Who does he think he is, treating you like some farm animal? It’s disgusting—not being able to feel an ounce of pity for his best employee!”

“Wendy,” Seulgi said firmly, suddenly stopping in her tracks. 

The two women stared at each other, one with eyes of outrage and one with nothing but shame. Wendy finally tore her gaze away and dialed in a number on her phone. 

“Who are you calling?” Seulgi asked, concerned.

Wendy ignored her, then perked up when the call went through.

“Hello?” 

“Hi, Yeri.” 

Seulgi immediately started to wave her hands in protest; her pulse started to accelerate from fear. “No no no, Wendy—”

“Is that Seulgi?” 

“Yes, I’m with Seulgi right now,” Wendy replied, her eyes glinting with a hint of victory. “Is Joy with you?”

“Yeah, we just finished up a project.” Seulgi could almost see Yeri grinning at her next words. “So, you want us to give Seulgi-unnie a good beating?”

“Kim Yerim, need I remind you that you slapped me in the face this morning!” Seulgi shouted fearfully, pointing a shaking finger at the phone even though the camera wasn’t even on.

“Correction: you want us to give Seulgi-unnie another good beating?”

Wendy cleared her throat. “If by ‘beating’ you mean dinner together at Nini’s, then yes.”

“Awesome! Now don’t you let her escape, Joy and I are coming right now!” Yeri said excitedly. “Where are you guys?”

“We’ll be at Jubilee Station by the time you get there,” Wendy said, shooting a hand out to grab Seulgi’s wrist so she couldn’t escape.

She ended the call and gave Seulgi a cheerful look, who was now wallowing in self-pity.

“Wan, you are the evilest person to ever exist on this planet.”

“Nope,” Wendy said, smirking. “That title goes to your boss, and lucky for you, his daughter is on her way to save you.”

“Save me, my ass,” Seulgi whined as they resumed their walk. “You do realize we call them spawns of Satan for a reason, right?”

“Whatever. They love me more than you, that’s for sure.”

“Only Joy’s soft for you. How many times has Yeri scolded you for being too selfless?”

“And exactly that’s my point!” Wendy said exasperatedly. “You and I both have tendencies to put ourselves down. This is the third time s-since — since the memorial that you’ve just disappeared.” Her voice tightened. “Don’t you think it’s about time we try to heal? Together?”

Seulgi’s gait had become stiff. 

“Come on, Seul. A few drinks, an actual meal. . .” 

Wendy felt crushed every time she looked at the coat Seulgi was wearing, which had become looser on her frame with every passing day. “We used to go there every week with Irene,” she pushed on. “All five of us. And I know it will never be the same, but it doesn’t have to be.” 

Seulgi stared at the ground silently, and for a second Wendy was worried that she had gone too far. But then there was a small, “Okay.”

When Seulgi looked up, there was no trace of a broken smile. Just a resolute face and a kind, steady strength.

“You’re okay with it?” Wendy confirmed, a surge of relief flowing through her. 

“Yeah,” Seulgi said, nodding her head. “You’re right. I can’t keep running away and thinking being alone will solve everything. Even if what I’m agreeing to means letting Yeri beat me up.”

Wendy laughed, giving Seulgi a tight hug. “You won’t regret this, I promise,” she said earnestly.

“How could I regret it?” Seulgi said. “The best people in the world have my back.”

“Don’t be such a sap.”

“Oh really? I’m a sap now?” 

Wendy wrinkled her nose when Seulgi draped herself over her. “Get off,” she groaned, trying to shove her off.

“Don’t pretend you don’t love it,” Seulgi insisted, ignoring her protests.

A raucous screech of a car’s wheels caused them to spring apart, and the two couldn’t help but break into fits of laughter together as a sleek, black SUV hurtled down the road and halted violently to a stop in front of them. 

The driver’s window slowly rolled down, revealing two very glamorous ladies flashing sunglasses and cherry lips in the front seats.

Wendy covered her mouth to hide her giggles as Yeri stepped out of the car, donning an expensive-looking cocktail dress as if carrying the scent of Chanel No. 5 with her wasn’t enough. She took a few intimidating steps towards Seulgi, removed her sunglasses, and said coldly towards the poor soul in the blue coat, “What do you have to say for yourself?”

Seulgi put her hands up in the air and fearfully began to recite a series of words that she had already prepared: “I, with all due respect towards her Royal Highness, the everlasting and ever angelical Kim Yerim, express my greatest apologies in causing her distress over my sudden disappearance of yesterday.”

The young girl stood there stonily, swinging her sunglasses in her hand and not saying a word.

“Um, was that okay?” Wendy said nervously, after which a good few seconds of utter silence had passed.

Seulgi swallowed as Yeri, in all her lavish glory, stepped even closer to her. How could it be that facing her all-powerful boss, who was threatening to fire her, be less terrifying than confronting his short, perfume-wearing daughter? 

Yeri crossed her arms and glared straight into her eyes. It was then when Seulgi realized her lip was trembling. “I won’t disappear again, Yerim,” Seulgi murmured, lowering her eyes. “I promise.”

Yeri’s face suddenly crumpled and she buried her face into Seulgi’s embrace. “I hate you, I hate you. . .” she said, starting to cry.

“I know you do,” Seulgi said, kissing the top of her head. “But you can hate me forever, and I’ll still be here all the same.”

“Not if you disappear again,” Yeri said between muffled sobs.

“I won’t disappear again.” Seulgi looked at the people in front of her and a wave of guilt washed over her. If Yeri had been the only one to break into tears, she could only imagine how much Joy and Wendy were hiding. 

“You promise?” Yeri sniffed.

“I swear on my life,” Seulgi said, well aware that her friends were fully capable of burying her alive if she pulled one more of her stunts. “Besides, your dad would kill me if that happened again.”

Yeri instantly sobered up and looked seethingly at Seulgi (who noticed her makeup was still somehow flawless even after crying).

“I’m so done with him,” she said in a mix of disgust and irritation. “I told him that if he fired you, I was going to steal his entire cigar collection.”

“All of his _Gurkha Royal Courtesan’s?”_ Seulgi said, aghast. If there was one thing she knew about Mr. Kim, it was his undying obsession with prestigious cigars. “He threatened you back, didn’t he?”

Yeri shook her head and started to wipe away her tears with a handkerchief. “Nope. To prove my point, I actually did steal one from him and then hightailed out of the office.” She deftly pulled a gold-leafed cigar out from the folds of her dress and slapped it in Seulgi’s hand. “Keep it. Now let’s get to Nini’s right now because my stomach is about to eat itself.”

Joy clapped her hands twice and the doors of the SUV clicked open. “Get in ladies, we have a reservation to catch.”

Yeri seated herself back in front of the wheel while Wendy and Seulgi clambered into the back seat. It was a rather comical sight, with the two younger women looking as if they had just come from a red carpet, providing a stark contrast to the shabbily put-together duo in the back.

“Oh yeah,” Joy said offhandedly. “You know that project we were working on when you called us?”

Wendy clicked on her seat belt. “Yes, what about it?” 

“We were actually upgrading the horsepower of this bad boy,” Yeri said gleefully.

Seulgi’s face immediately fell and her heart began to pound abnormally hard in her chest. “Yeri, oh God no, please—”

“Buckle up, Seulgi-unnie!” Yeri called out. “We’re on a time crunch!”

Seulgi barely managed to put her seatbelt on before Yeri’s foot slammed down on the pedal, forcing all of them to the back of their seats. The tires squealed like pigs as the SUV hightailed down the road like a shooting star.

_“Kim Yerim!”_ Wendy screeched from the back. She and Seulgi were holding onto each other’s arms for dear life—both of them could care less about cutting off the other’s circulation. Seulgi’s eyes widened in horror at the sight of the speedometer.

“You’re four times over the speed limit!” she shrieked. “Slow down, there’s a turn coming up!”

“Don’t worry unnie! I’ve been working on my drifting skills!” Yeri said back, her eyes screwed tightly in concentration.

Joy nodded calmly and rested her face atop her hand. “Oh yes, you should see her play that Formula One racing game, she’s excelle—”

“THIS ISN’T A VIDEO GAME!” the duo yelled. 

“Too late!” Yeri laughed.

She lifted her foot off the pedal and jammed it onto the brake, swiftly spun the wheel, and instantly the whole car turned sideways, skidding around the corner to the left with the passengers in complete disarray: Yeri was cackling almost maniacally, Joy looked as they were going through a drive-thru, and Wendy and Seulgi—bless them—were releasing strangled cries in unison, both of them paler than the surface of Antarctica.

By the time they had arrived, Seulgi felt as if she had left her whole body; she’d been reduced to nothing but a sentient scaffolding. A glance at Wendy’s frozen, disheveled stance confirmed they were in the same state of shock.

Joy turned her head back and wrinkled her nose at the sight of them. “Good Lord, it wasn’t even that bad.”

“Don’t. Speak,” Seulgi growled through gritted teeth.

Yeri clicked her tongue at their wrinkled coats and Wendy’s flurried hair. “Good thing I brought a few outfits for you two. Can’t have you walking into this place looking like hungover college students.”

“You can insult me all you want,” Seulgi groaned, rubbing her temples. “I almost died, I don’t even care if I get fired at this point.”

“Just open the side compartments in the doors, you two,” Yeri said impatiently. “Get dressed, no one will see you because the windows are shaded.”

Seulgi pulled herself together and opened the door of a locker near the floor. Inside lay a folded up black dress and a small makeup kit. Yeri and Joy exited the car, giving them some privacy while they changed. 

As Wendy did her makeup, Seulgi felt a pang of bittersweet nostalgia the moment the lipstick touched the corners of her mouth. She had gone for so long barefaced that when she looked in the handheld mirror, it felt like she was staring at her past-self. When was the last time her eyes had been that striking and her lips so vibrant?

They stepped out of the car, now matching the appearance of their acquaintances. In front of them stood Nini’s, one of the most renowned eateries in the city. The exterior—which started out as a few whitewashed walls and a menu poster on the window—was now a chic, burgundy brick-walled building with sweeping canopies at the front. 

Seulgi followed Joy in through the open door, and immediately she was immersed in the candlelit foyer and the sweet scents of meat and herbs wafting through the air. Several other customers were eating and chatting in low tones underneath the dim light, balancing wine glasses between their fingers while the accessories on their hands and wrists glittered with small-cut jewels.

The face of the waitress at the entrance lit up with recognition at the sight of the four, and Seulgi couldn’t help but crack a smile back.

“Seulgi? Is that really you?” she said, giving her face torn between disbelief and delight. “Is _the_ Kang Seulgi actually here or am I hallucinating from that glass of wine?”

“Hi Jisoo,” Seulgi chuckled. “No, you are definitely not hallucinating.”

Jisoo rushed to the back of the restaurant through the kitchen doors and shouted words that were loud enough for the whole building to hear: “JENNIE! Get your ass over here right now, Kang Seulgi is back! SHE’S BACK!”

“Oh my God,” Seulgi mumbled, covering her face with her hands as others in the foyer diverted their attention towards her. 

There was the clang of a pot behind the kitchen doors — then the doors burst open, and a woman with sharp eyes and an even sharper crab leg in her left hand appeared. She started charging towards them with fiery eyes and Seulgi wondered if she would be the first person in this city to die after being impaled with a crustacean.

But to her surprise, Jennie used her free hand to drag her towards the back of the restaurant, where a semi-private table was already prepared for them.

Before Seulgi could say anything, Jennie silenced her. “Don’t say anything. I’m trying _really_ hard not to tackle you to the ground with this crab leg right now. But for the record?” She grinned. “It’s really great to see you, Seulgi.”

The rest of her entourage began to seat themselves and beckoned Seulgi to do the same. 

“You better order a lot, alright?” Jennie hollered as she returned to the kitchen. “You’re so skinny, all of you!”

Seulgi sat down as Jisoo handed them their menus and set a basket of bread in front of them. 

“So, tonight we have a special wagyu dinner course, or perhaps we could interest you in—”

“Oh, cut the waiter bullshit with us,” Joy interrupted, earning a few snickers from everyone.

Jisoo stuck her tongue out. “Geez, just trying to do my job,” she said, trying not to laugh. “What do you guys want to eat?”

Yeri took a sweeping glance at her options and directed her attention back to Jisoo. “You said there’s a special wagyu dinner course? We’ll have that. And I would love to see what Jennie’s doing with those crab legs.”

“Oh, that,” Jisoo said knowingly. “Marinated chili crabs. It’s the most expensive thing on the menu this week.”

“That’s perfect, Seulgi’s paying,” Joy said mischievously, handing her menu back. 

Seulgi sighed in defeat, knowing full well she wouldn’t be able to avoid the bill tonight.

“Something tells me that decision was not made fairly,” Jisoo teased. “Any drink orders?”

“A white wine will be fine,” Seulgi rushed, refusing to pay for Yeri’s expensive champagne preferences. There was enough on her tab already.

After Jisoo left to attend to other matters, Wendy was the first one to speak. “First of all, I’d like to thank everyone for simply coming today.”

“Good Samaritan,” Joy grumbled.

Wendy smiled good-naturedly and tilted her head in Seulgi’s direction. “Especially since we all know how hard it is to drag her ass out of the office.”

Seulgi shook her head in disbelief. “All of you are really out for blood tonight, hm?”

“No, I’m out for Jennie’s cooking,” Wendy replied. She looked hungrily at the dishes on the tables of their surrounding diners. “It’s quite surreal, isn’t it? It feels like ages since I showed up in a place like this.”

Seulgi felt warm as she took in the view of her friends, all of them right next to her in a place that carried so many fond memories. For the first time in a long time, they looked happy, and that was more than enough for her. 

“Thank you for bringing me here,” she said carefully. “Even if Yeri’s driving almost killed me,” she added.

“Oh c’mon, drifting is totally legal,” Yeri protested.

“Only for the daughter of the great Mr. Kim,” Seulgi said warmly. She fingered the rim of her wine glass while she spoke: “Every time I disappeared, I thought I was doing something right by keeping my suffering separate from yours. Only now do I realize it was only making your hardships worse.”

There was a pause of silence, then Wendy reached out and took her hand. “It wasn’t that you were making our hardships worse. In all honesty, I think the three of us healed a while ago.” Wendy blinked a few times and squeezed Seulgi’s hand. 

“Of course we miss Irene. No one could ever replace her, and no one will ever be able to. But the world keeps spinning, and it doesn’t wait for anyone. Just look at these people around us.”

Seulgi stared blankly at the gold-plated wristwatches and the diamonds that encrusted every ring, all of them adorning the wrists and hands of these people. Wendy was right, wasn’t she? Everything had become a sea of solid-colored silk and luxurious accessories, gelled hair and vibrant lips. How glamorous everything was now, how unfamiliar. 

“We can heal and still scar,” Wendy continued. “I don’t know what Irene would want us to do, but I remember her telling me one time that at the end of the day, the best things we still have are the things we should focus on.”

Seulgi suddenly felt her eyes heat up with tears and she hastily wiped them away with a napkin. “Thank you,” she said, her voice slightly hoarse. “For staying with me, and just — not giving up on me.”

“You might be one of the most frustrating people I have ever met,” Joy said ruefully, “but never would I give up on you.”

Yeri nodded in agreement. “Scolding you and Wendy-unnie is something I can do forever, but I would never quit. Even if I could, I wouldn’t. Not with someone I care about,” she said, turning a faint shade of pink.

“Someone's being sweet,” Wendy said playfully. Meanwhile, Seulgi was desperately trying not to cry, but a few sniffs escaped from her anyway.

Jisoo’s loud groan diverted their attention. “Oh no,” she said, crestfallen as she came near their table pushing a cart of steaming dishes. “You guys can’t cry yet, I haven’t even brought the wine!”

“Stop it, I’m sure the food will solve everything,” Joy said, eyes fixated at the cart. “Are those chili crabs spicy?”

“They’re _chili crabs._ What do you think Jennie makes them with, Tobasco?”

Jisoo set the dish in front of them, and the aroma of the steaming crab shells in their red, pasty glory sent Seulgi’s empty stomach in a fit of grumbling.

“Oh, shut up, you,” she said as everyone at the table burst into laughter.

“Actually, I think Jennie makes these with crack, on second thought,” Jisoo giggled.

Joy was trying not to fall off her chair. “Either way, we won’t be able to tell whether Seulgi’s crying from sadness or her dinner.”

Yeri was the first to recover and, to Seulgi’s chagrin, only poked more fun at her. “Jisoo, you better give Seulgi the food first or she’s going to throw a crab at you.”

“You better not,” Jisoo warned as she placed the steaks on the table. “One crab is the equivalent of a month’s worth of pay.”

“You’re kidding,” Seulgi said in disbelief.

“I am,” Jisoo said cheekily. “It’s actually two months’ worth of pay. Enjoy your meal, guys!”

Seulgi sat there for a moment, sulking at the thought of having to pay for everything, before her hunger overtook her and she reached over the table for a crab shell and began to dig in. The food was delicious—as expected, they were at Nini’s—but it went further than that. She couldn’t remember the last time she actually enjoyed a meal or her company, and yet tonight, it felt like an unshakeable dream. Something lucid, but something real.

“Who wants wine?” Joy said cheerfully as she poured everyone a glass, not waiting for an answer.

“Yes, please.” Wendy reached over for hers and took a deep sip. Her cheeks turned slightly pink as the alcohol went down.

Seulgi took her glass and stared at the crystal liquid before following suit. The wine left a lingering sugar melting on her tongue and filled her with warmth, heating her fingertips and the tip of her nose. The scene in front of her, already skewed by the dim candlelight, melded into softer shapes and blurred on the edges. It felt so perfect, like this was where she belonged. Yeri’s tittering pierced through her momentary haze.

“Look at Seulgi-unnie,” she giggled. “Someone’s enjoying herself.”

“I am,” Seulgi said, smiling gently. She took a bite of her steak and chewed methodically before continuing. “It’s so nice here. I kind of want to stay forever.”

Wendy grasped her hand. “You can. The world keeps on spinning, remember?” She poured herself another glass of wine. “As long as Jennie doesn’t close this place—”

“Jisoo would kill her,” Joy said through a mouthful of crab.

Yeri chimed in agreement. “Yeah, she’d probably spike Jennie’s drink with chili oil or something.”

Wendy rolled her eyes. “What I’m trying to say is that this doesn’t have to be the only night you enjoy yourself, Seulgi. We should come here more often, if you’d like.”

“I’m not paying for every meal,” Seulgi said warily. 

Wendy chuckled. “You’ll have to discuss the bill sharing with these two,” she said, gesturing at Joy and Yeri, who simply just gave Seulgi mysterious winks.

The rest of the night was lovely; the wine eased them into their seats and the plates were soon scraped clean. As the clock on the wall ticked on, the restaurant steadily cleared out as diners eventually ran out of conversation topics with their peers. When only a few laidback stragglers were left, Jennie and Jisoo joined them at their table, both looking drained but delighted to finally be able to speak to them.

“Glad to see you finished everything,” Jennie said, giving them a stern look that failed to come off as intimidating. “You guys better come back more often or I’m closing the restaurant out of sadness.”

“I’ll kill you if you do that,” Jisoo threatened as she pulled her hair out of its tight bun and shook it loose, letting out a sigh of relief. 

“Best feeling in the world,” Seulgi remarked, having had her own share of uncomfortable hairstyles.

Jisoo smiled and propped her face onto her hand, eagerly facing her. “You look happy tonight,” she observed. “All of you, in fact. Is it the wine or my wonderful hospitality?”

“You forgot my cooking,” Jennie quickly added.

Seulgi stifled a cough at their familiar banter. 

“It’s everything,” she said honestly. “We’ve had so many good memories at this place, and today I realized once again how much I love it here. Wendy’s right—I want to keep doing the things I love, and if it means weekly dinners at the best restaurant with the best people—well, who am I to complain?”

Everyone stared at her for a few seconds, shockingly flattered. Then Yeri reached for the bottle of wine and emptied the last few drops into Seulgi’s glass. “Keep talking, please. It’s really helping my self-esteem.”

“Anything for you, Yerim,” Seulgi said coquettishly before she dutifully took the last sip, savoring the bubbly fervor it sent through her.

“Alcohol has made a fool of all of us,” Wendy mumbled thoughtfully.

Joy’s eyes twinkled in amusement. “You two are very drunk.” She was the soberest out of the group, having drunk the least wine and possessing the highest alcohol tolerance.

“Come more often, will you?” Jennie said hopefully. “It never gets tiring seeing you guys.”

They nodded, and after kisses and hugs and a few laughs at Seulgi’s half-hearted whine when she signed the check, Joy guided them out to Yeri’s SUV and started driving them home. They decided to drop Seulgi off first at the sight of her dozing off in the car.

“C’mon, Seulgi, we’re at your place,” Wendy coaxed her. She helped her through the door and dropped her gently onto the sofa in the living room.

“I can help myself,” Seulgi murmured as she felt Wendy drape a blanket over her.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m good. It’s late, you should go home,” she said sleepily.

“Alright then. You take care” She heard Wendy’s footsteps head towards the door. “Good night, Seulgi.”

“‘Night.”

The door closed, and Seulgi slowly sat up on the couch, blinking her eyes as she tried to see through the darkness. She padded towards the kitchen and filled a measuring cup with water, then returned to the living room. She crouched down next to the windowsill and poured the water steadily onto the gray cactus plant.

“Here you go, bud,” she whispered. “Don’t die on me.”

By the time the sun rose, the cactus had already gained back a pale version of its old green. Dying, like all other things, but still very much alive.

By 8 o’clock sharp, Seulgi was departing from Jubilee Station heading towards _Banque Maréchal._ Yesterday, she had arrived late and disoriented in a grubby coat—today, every corner of her dark blazer was defined and every footstep with her heeled oxfords seemed impressive. 

When she walked through the grand doors of the bank, there was no Mr. Kim yelling at her from the second floor or scrutinizing stares from the receptionists. There were only employees reporting to her and forms to fill out all morning, with maybe a few scuffles here and there that she quickly restored order to. 

Right before her lunch break, her assistant hurried over with a sheaf of papers.

“What is it, Taeyong?” she asked impatiently. 

“Mr. Kim just arranged an emergency meeting,” he informed her, unaware of a spike of hair poking out from the side of his head. “It’s with the clients from _Credence Enterprises._ They want to restructure the deal for the new acquisition.”

Seulgi sighed and grabbed her laptop before rushing out of the investment office, with Taeyong trailing her carrying the papers. 

“What do those assholes want now?” she muttered to herself as she ascended up the stairs with extraordinary speed, even in her heeled shoes. 

Taeyong struggled to stay behind her and kept crouching down to pick up dropped papers. “Ms. Kang, your files—”

“It’s alright, I have everything on my computer. And call me Seulgi, please.” She reached the second floor and stopped in front of the meeting room. “Taeyong!”

“Yes, Ms. Ka—Ms. Seulgi?” He was desperately trying to collect himself as he climbed up the last stair. 

Seulgi smiled. “You might want to fix your hair before you go to lunch,” she said, then disappeared into the meeting room.

Inside, two men in suits sat at the end of the table, one of them being Mr. Kim and the other two Seulgi recognized as prominent investors from Credence.

“Oh, Ms. Kang, you’re here,” the older-looking investor said. He and Mr. Kim were both puffing on cigars. “You’re the manager of the investment firm here, correct?”

“That would be me,” Seulgi said with a polite bow before she sat down. “Could I have your name, sir?”

“Mr. Jeong,” he supplied, then gestured towards his partner, who looked strikingly similar, albeit much younger. “This is my son, Jaehyun.”

“Pleased to meet you both,” Seulgi said, dipping her head slightly. 

Jaehyun gave her a rather strange look before returning formalities. Mr. Kim then pointed to a stack of paper-filled binders on the meeting table. “So, what would you like to restructure about the deal with _Bastion Portfolio?_ Everything seems to be in order.”

Mr. Jeong waved his hand in dissatisfaction, sending cigar smoke billowing everywhere. Seulgi tried not the choke from the stink. “We’re in disagreement with the Bastion’s board,” Mr. Jeong said gruffly. “We showed them the completed deal and now they’re demanding more shares than what they originally agreed to.”

Mr. Kim rubbed his eyes in frustration, then stood up and beckoned Mr. Jeong to follow him. “Come with me, please. You’ll have to talk to our lead advisor about this before finalizing any funds. Kang, update yourself with those files and answer any questions Mr. Jaehyun may have.”

The two men left the room, leaving Seulgi and Jaehyun alone. She started rifling through the topmost binder and sped through the documents, scanning for any important information. It was quite awkward, with neither of them speaking and Jaehyun’s periodic glances becoming increasingly uncomfortable. 

When Seulgi was nearing the end of an analysis, he finally spoke.

“I’d like to say it’s an honor to finally meet you, Ms. Seulgi.”

She looked at him and let out a dry chuckle. “Oh, I’m not that esteemed of an employee here.”

“Really?” Jaehyun said, raising an eyebrow. “I find that quite hard to believe if your name appears in the finance sector of the newspaper at least once a month, along with an explanation of your outstanding achievements.”

“Media can be biased,” Seulgi dismissed, giving him a thin smile. “I only see myself as hardworking and honest, but certainly not as exceptional as the newspaper articles paint me as.”

“Really?” Jaehyun said again, only this time it sounded less like a question and more like a statement. “It's not often I come across such educated women. It's quite impressive to meet you after hearing your name so often. I’d dare say you’ve made it very far in this industry for a woman.”

Seulgi paused her reading and closed the binder, then directed her full attention to the man in front of her.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Jeong,” she said calmly. “ _For_ a woman? Personally, I believe I’ve made it far into the industry _as_ a woman.”

“You misunderstand me,” Jaehyun replied, a trace of amusement at the corners of his lips. “It’s a simple compliment, Ms. Seulgi, and nothing else.”

“I’m afraid I can’t take it as a compliment,” she said, her voice gaining a frosty edge. “If you must know, I first entered this company as an assistant to the former manager of the investment sector, a man who cared little about his clients and more about the paychecks he received. This industry is not kind to women, Mr. Jeong, and it likely won’t be for a long time.” 

“I’m well aware of the gender demographics in this building.”

“I’m sure you are,” Seulgi said piercingly. “And that is why your view on women is so misshapen. We are not docile, meek followers who have started to learn the ways of leadership. We are very much ordinary people who are simply starting to gain recognition, so I would advise against labeling accomplished women as ‘extraordinary’ or ‘outstanding.’ We’d like to be seen for what we do, not what we are.”

Jaehyun hastily backtracked, having finally realized his mistake. “My apologies, Ms. Seulgi. I’d love to hear more about your viewpoints on all of this. Perhaps we could discuss this over lunch—I believe I’m cutting into your break and I’d like to make it up to you.”

Seulgi smiled serenely, well aware of his intentions. “I'm afraid I already have an appointment.” Jaehyun’s fair appearance did not go unnoticed under her observation, but she had no interest in him. 

_What would Irene think of him?_ she mused silently. 

Her heart stalled when she realized she’d forgotten yet another thing about Irene. Didn’t she used to predict her actions and words all the time? Sometimes she’d succeed in it too well, and Irene would end up getting annoyed at yet another failed attempt to surprise her with something.

“Ms. Seulgi?” Jaehyun asked, concerned. He must have noticed how blank her face had gone. “Are you alright?”

Seulgi tried to clear her thoughts, then quickly gathered her things and began to head towards the door. The walls of the room were beginning to feel suffocating. 

“Yes, yes, I’m quite alright,” she assured him. “Take care of yourself, Mr. Jaehyun.”

“Miss—”

The door was shut before he could bid his farewells. Seulgi rushed back down the stairs and fled to her office, where she locked herself in and buried her face in her hands. 

She was too shocked to cry, even though it shouldn’t have been shocking at all, given how fast the memories had been fading. The only thing she still remembered about Irene was her name; she couldn’t even recall how she’d died. She was terrified that any day now—it might even be tomorrow—she would no longer remember the person she used to cherish so dearly. Irene would be gone forever.

The rest of the day was a feverish blur. Seulgi was able to blindly hand out a few reports and help Taeyong here and there, but by the time she left the office, well after dark, her mind was a muddled mess. She took the train back and almost missed her stop, but managed to walk the painful ten minutes from the station to her house without getting hit by a car.

She was stunned. She was scared. She didn’t want to forget Irene, but she was about to. She wanted to live with the pain of her death instead of ignorantly continuing on without an ounce of longing.

_Why did you have to throw everything away?_ Seulgi berated herself in a huddle of sobs at the foot of her couch. The sorrow that she’d kept inside of her ever since Irene’s death came out in the form of hot tears that rolled down her face onto the floor. For Yeri had cried at the funeral, and Joy had cried, and Wendy had tried not to and ended up shedding the most tears, but Seulgi had been the one to never cry. A weak smile and a trembling pair of hands were all she’d ever dared to show.

Now her sobs were wretched and her tears never-ending. “I can’t forget you,” she cried, hugging her legs closer to herself. “I can’t let you go.”

_Why do all the best things in life have to go first?_

She knew the answer to that. She’d just never accepted it.

________

If only all skies could have been a flawless blend of amber sunlight and rose-colored clouds, then the world would have been at peace a long time ago. Seulgi knew from this that she had chosen the perfect time to come here after having planned this trip for months (in secret, of course, or a certain someone else would have planned it before her).

“Seulgi-yah! Stop worrying about the food, come here and sit next to me.”

Seulgi, who was rummaging through the cluttered trunk of the car, turned around and grinned when she saw Irene sitting on the edge of the pier, legs dangling over the edge. Her wavy dark tresses flowed neatly down the sides of her face, and when she turned to look at her, the golden glimmer in her eyes was something that never failed to send Seulgi’s heartbeat accelerating as fast as a bullet.

“Stop staring at me,” Irene said playfully. “If you come over here and look me in the eye, you’ll look less like some creepy stalker, you know.”

“I’d think you’d enjoy it if I was the one stalking you,” Seulgi said smugly as she walked over.

Irene glared daggers at her. “Who’s in charge here?”

“You, of course,” Seulgi said as she crouched down and gave Irene a back hug.

Everything felt so perfect as Seulgi released a long exhale and she buried her head in Irene’s back, letting the world fade away into darkness and the dizzying scent of lavender perfume.

“You’re clingy, you know that?” Irene said quietly. Seulgi could tell she was smiling as she spoke.

“You love it,” she whispered.

Irene didn’t say anything back, but she let out a small giggle when Seulgi wrapped her arms tighter around her and laced their hands together. They sat there together for a while, not saying a word as they peacefully enjoyed the evening sky like they had all the time in the world. But eventually, Seulgi could no longer bear the gurgling in her stomach and untangled herself from Irene, who let out a whine of protest.

“Let me get the dinner basket, Hyun,” Seulgi laughed as she started to head back towards the car. “Jennie said she packed us some desserts, free of charge!”

While she was crawling through the car in pursuit of her meal, she heard the sound of a few raindrops hit the roof of the car. 

“Irene!” she called out. “I think it’s going to rain!”

After a couple of minutes of hitting her head against the low roof, she finally managed to retrieve the lone basket wedged between two overstuffed duffel bags. She slipped on a rain jacket and went outside with the basket in one hand, casting an alarmed look at the dark clouds that now shielded the pink ones. 

“Irene, come back to the car!” she tried to yell over the sound of the rain, which was getting heavier and louder by the moment. She stepped onto the pier and did her best to not slip on the slick, wooden planks. The rain had become so heavy that she could barely see three feet in front of her. 

“Irene, where are you?!”

There was no answer, and then a distant shriek punctured the sound of the rain.

_“Irene!”_ Seulgi cried as she dropped the basket and ran towards the sound, her shoes splashing into the tiny puddles of water that were pooling up in the crevices of the wood. When she reached the end of the pier, there was no trace of a dark-haired girl.

“Where are you?!” Seulgi shouted hoarsely. Her words were drowned out by the rain and they left her to no avail. The pier was nothing but a shower of water pellets and pelted everything without a single breath.

_“Irene! Come back!”_

Seulgi began to cry from fear and her tears mixed with the raindrops, both of them cascading down her chin as the storm pushed on relentlessly. She covered her ears with shaking hands when the brutal pounding of the rain began to hurt her eardrums, and then an icy feeling began to seep through her jacket and caused her to shudder, but she couldn’t bring herself to get up from where her legs had given way. She couldn’t move.

By the time the pink clouds were visible again, Seulgi would realize that her words were not the only thing that drowned that day.

________

She woke up with a start and was so disoriented her upper body immediately began tilting to the side.

“What th—Ow!”

Her head hit the ground and turned her eggshell of a brain into scrambled eggs. Her left temple was throbbing painfully as she pushed herself back up and blearily reached for the nearest light switch. A warm glow emitted from a nearby lamp, casting the whole room in yellow light. It was still dark outside.

“What a way to wake up,” she grumbled disapprovingly as she stood up and went to the bathroom to clean herself. 

When she saw herself in the mirror, she wanted to burst into tears of laughter and disgust at the same time. Not only were her eyes puffy and red, but one side of her face was pushed flat and her mascara had given her black waterfalls streaming from both eyes. All she knew was that if she went outside like this, someone was going to lock her up in an asylum.

She began to wipe off her makeup and cleaned her face with cold water until there was no more trace of the maniac before. Then she went outside into her backyard, desperately wanting some fresh air to clear her head.

Above her, a smattering of stars dotted the night sky like a bejeweled canopy. It took Seulgi’s breath away: how intricate every speck was, with a feeling at every star twinkling back at her was sentient. 

She dashed back into the house to retrieve her rolled-up constellation chart and her purse, which held a small stargazing laser. She didn’t know how long she sat there on the grass, staring at the countless little specks and obediently plotting them down, but time didn’t really matter at that moment. It was just her, the stars, and the glorious night sky.

At some point, she was rifling through her purse when she felt a stubby stick rolling around inside. She took it out, and to her surprise, it was a Gurkha Royal Courtesan, the cigar that Yeri had stolen from her father.

She was admiring the beautifully crafted gold leaf that spiraled around the stick when she was overcome with a sudden curiosity to try smoking it for herself. There was a little thought gnawing at her, a rebellious sneak telling her that it was about time she got to experience what her boss did on a daily basis. 

She grabbed a pack of matches that she kept inside her purse and struck one, then carefully lit the end of the cigar.

When she put it between her lips, the first thing that she felt was a horrible, acid heat as the smoke seemed to choke her whole throat.

“Jesus Christ,” she coughed as several puffs of smoke escaped with her breath. 

After the burning sensation had subsided, she swallowed the rough taste on her tongue and took another drag. This time, she was able to suppress her wretches and pushed through the stinging pricks in her chest. By the fifth drag, her skin was warm to the touch and she was sure her breath stank, but it was becoming more bearable. 

The cigar slowly smoldered away with the gold leaf, but Seulgi could care less. She just wanted to see the stars, but she didn’t mind the tobacco keeping her company. When it had completely burned away, Seulgi leaned back onto the grass and stared blankly at the stars. 

Then her body began to heat up like she was on a charcoal grill; a few beads of sweat rolled down her temples; the back of her eyes began to feel feverish; her eyelids closed and her consciousness slipped away.

“Seulgi?

“Is that you?”

“Open your eyes, why are you so sleepy?”

_A chime of laughter finally woke her up._

_It was so strange, she felt like she knew that voice. . ._

“I’m not going to wait forever for you to wake up, you know.”

When Seulgi opened her eyes, she was met with a pink sky and a long set of wooden planks stretched out over a wide lake.

“I’m at the pier,” she mumbled to herself.

There was a playful laugh from behind her. “Of course you’re at the pier, dummy, there’s only one place in the world that looks like this.”

Seulgi spun around to find a girl standing in front of her, with dark locks unfurled in soft waves and a pair of gold-flecked eyes. She was breathtakingly beautiful and yet so familiar, for why else would Seulgi’s heart be pounding this hard. . .

A flood of memories came crashing in, and Seulgi started to cry.

“Irene?” she asked, hurriedly wiping her tears away. “No no no, this can’t be you, this can’t be—”

“Oh, stop crying.” Irene walked over cheerfully and began wiping her face with a tissue. Seulgi nearly flinched at her touch, but stopped resisting when she was taken aback by how realistic everything seemed. She could smell the lavender perfume, she could hear her voice as clear as crystal chimes. It felt too real to be a dream—it felt too perfect to be real. 

“Not that I don’t mind it when you cry, you look good no matter what.”

Seulgi pulled her into a hug and almost broke down again at how familiar everything seemed. It had been years since she’d held Irene in her arms, and yet here they were, back together like nothing had ever happened.

When they pulled apart, Seulgi took one of Irene’s hands and gently kissed it, before quietly murmuring, “Is this a dream?”

Irene gave her a smile like she knew the answer to everything. “Isn’t everything a dream, Seulgi? Isn’t your whole life just a dream? Isn’t death a dream too?” 

Seulgi felt something inside of her shatter. “I couldn’t save you,” she whispered in a broken voice. “I wasn’t even there when you fell.”

Irene simply kissed her hand back and held it. “Nothing is your fault,” she said firmly. “There’s only what happened and what didn’t happen. And what happened was that I left you behind, and I left you alone,” she said wistfully, her eyes filling with sorrow.

Seulgi felt tears at the corners of her eyes again, which Irene wiped away with the pad of her thumb. “I don’t want to forget,” she said pleadingly. “I want my memories of you to stay.”

Irene said nothing, but leaned forward with sad eyes and gave her a kiss. For a single moment, their lips moved perfectly together and Seulgi knew nothing but Irene’s tender kisses and the sweet taste of peppermint on the tip of her tongue. It was almost tortuously slow, but it was gentle and soft and everything Seulgi had missed dearly for so long.

And then Irene pulled back, and by the time Seulgi opened her eyes, she was letting go of her hand and everything was fading to white. 

“I love you,” Irene said softly before she disappeared in a shower of golden light.

Seulgi watched as the pier dissolved away and the pink sky became overwhelmingly bright. She closed her eyes, and then she felt nothing but the fluttering of feathers whisking her away.

By sunrise, Seulgi would wake up to find the cigar gone. But she would never realize what else had disappeared forever that night: her memories.


End file.
